What to Say (and Not Say) When They Confide in You

When someone opens up about their addiction or recovery, it’s a sacred moment. Whether they’re confessing something painful or celebrating a milestone, they’re offering you a glimpse of their most vulnerable self. And how you respond can shape whether they feel safe to keep sharing—or if they shut down.

Words matter. And more than that—your tone, your posture, your presence matter too. Here’s how to show up with compassion, strength, and grace when a loved one confides in you.

DO: Listen More Than You Speak

Don’t rush to fix. Don’t interrupt. Just be there.

Say:
 “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m here to listen.”

DON’T: Say “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

That might sound like concern, but it can land as guilt or pressure.

Instead:
 “I’m really grateful you felt safe enough to share this with me now.”

DO: Acknowledge Their Courage

Admitting a struggle with addiction or even just talking about recovery takes incredible bravery.

Say:
 “That took so much courage to share. I admire your honesty and strength.”

DON’T: Offer Unsolicited Advice or “Quick Fixes”

Unless they ask for guidance, your role isn’t to counsel—it’s to care.

Instead:
 “What kind of support would feel helpful right now?”

DO: Respect Their Boundaries

Maybe they’re not ready to tell everyone. Maybe they only want to talk about certain parts. Let them decide how much to share and with whom.

Say:
 “This is your story—I’ll honor it however you need me to.”

DON’T: Compare Their Struggle to Yours or Others

This isn’t the time to tell them about your cousin’s recovery or your stressful week. Keep the spotlight where it belongs.

DO: Follow Up

Checking in days or weeks later shows your care wasn’t momentary—it’s ongoing.

Say:
 “Just thinking about what you shared. How are you doing today?”

DON’T: React With Shock or Disgust

Even if you’re surprised, do your best to stay grounded. Your calm presence gives them permission to stay open.

DO: Be a Safe Place, Again and Again

One vulnerable conversation can build a bridge. Keep being someone they can turn to—without fear of judgment or rejection.

When Someone Trusts You With Their Truth—Hold It Gently

You don’t need perfect words. You just need to be real, warm, and kind. Love them as they are, and keep loving them as they grow.

If you love someone in recovery…

Please share these resources with them if you think it could help. And if you feel led, consider supporting Today’s Sober Women with a gift. Every dollar goes to support and encourage a woman on her sobriety journey. We provide everything from support groups, digital resources, and weekly text messages to help women stay on the sober track.

Every conversation has the power to build someone’s belief that healing is possible. Thank you for being that kind of person.